packing pondering

So, packing... I started with which I thought was the easiest - my dvd's, books and comics. Hah, how naïve the me of Sunday was... I reserved the smaller suitcase entirely for dvd's and books, thought that would be plenty. No way. My dvd's filled already the first half! And I have even more books! Even though I already had decided not to take Harry Potters or Tolkien's! Oh, this is gonna be so ugly... My mind is a battlefield... "Do I really need the French Grammar Book? But I love it so... And didn't I just finish reading the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes? But I've used to looking at it on my shelf..."

Truth is I really don't want to leave any of them behind. My books, dvd's and comics are what make me feel home. If I ever feel homesick, I know that watching a loved movie or reading a Lucky Luke is what gets me in the track again.

I've been rereading Potters for the millionth time - how come they always manage to draw me completely in and make me feel all dizzy? To break my sense of reality like I was still eight years old? I've seen dreams somehow related to Potters for six nights in a row already. Last night was the weirdest - I think my antibiotics might have something to do with it, though (my every year tradition of having a sinusitis is early this year)... Somewhere in the borderland of wake and sleep, when you're not really sure if you're already dreaming or still awake, I was convinced that Voldemort was in my room for hours.

Also packed two very important items I'm not gonna find in Scotland - pulikka and juustohöylä.

a fresh start

Notes from yesterday:

Today I finally started packing. About time; only four nights in Finland left. Untill now, packing just didn't feel... necessary. "I'm leaving to Glasgow" probably just wasn't real before Karkki's and my going away party on Friday. There I kinda hit me - "Hey. I have to say goodbye to these people. I'm actually going somewhere where I can't just see them whenever I want to. That's what going away is, I guess. I have to say goodbyes." And I did say goodbyes - I've always hated them - and started packing.

I also felt like starting a blog again. Writing things down is important; it's amazing how much one forgets and changes. It's the weirdest feeling, reading entries of your diary you've written only a week or two ago; you can hardly recognize the you of those days. I'm still faithfully dedicated to my diary, but this blog will also give a window for people who might be interested to stalk my new life across the sea. I thought about writing in Finnish, but I write my diary in Finnish, so I believe this will help to keep my interests up. Besides, I can feel how rusty my written English has become..... uh... feels like trying to swim upstream...

Right now Friday seems so huge, so sudden; why wasn't I prepared it would feel like this? I feel mixed. I'm extremely excited and happy, a new city and country which don't know me, a fresh start, an adventure. I know I simply couldn't have stayed here any longer. But all the unpleasant feelings are tingling inside, too. I've lived in this room for many years, every corner and surface is filled with layers of letters, drawings, gifts, photographs, books; memories and faces. And they just remind me how many hard goodbyes I'm gonna go through this week. I hate goodbyes, I really do....